VERY SMALL BUSINESS
A play in one short act
TONES: a surly teen
MUM: his longsuffering mother
BILL: a mate
TONES and his mother are locked in an argument, which has obviously been going on for some time.
MUM: So when are you going to tidy up this marriage thing young man?
TONES: I will get to it, I promise. Alright? [MUM looks unconvinced] Alright, alright, but I got important stuff to do first. I will do it, I promise….
MUM: When? When? You’ve been putting it off for for months, there’s always something more important, …..according to you, that is
TONES: Oh lay off Mum, I said I’ll do it, alright? But I got this other stuff to do first. S’important.
MUM: Well, what is this ‘important stuff’ that’s so very very important, anyway?
TONES: Small business.
MUM: I thought it was foreign fighters?
TONES: Oh Mum! That was yesterday Mum, do keep up!
MUM: But that’s done now, is it?
TONES: Well, no……..
MUM: And how long is that going to take you?
TONES: Shouldn’t be much longer.
MUM: And then you’ve got this small business to do, or so you say. How small?
TONES: [mumbling] Bigger than this marriage rubbish. [MUM glares] Well I would have got small business done before, only I need some stuff from Bill and he won’t give it me. ‘S’not my fault. [pouts]
ENTER BILL, STAGE LEFT
BILL: Hi Tones. Wassup??
MUM: He says he can’t tidy up marriage because he’s got some ‘small business’ he has to do first, and you’re stopping him. That’s ‘wassup’.
BILL: Oh, sorry Tones, is this what you wanted? [hands over folder] Here you are, mate. Done.[grins]
TONES: You bastard, you bastard, it’s not fair, it’s not fair! Mum, he said he couldn’t do it and now he’s done it. He’s trying to make me look bad, that’s what it is. Well I shan’t do it now, I’ll do it when I want to, not ‘cos you made me, I don’t have to do what you say……[stomping angrily off]
MUM:…… you go and do it right now young man, stop telling porkies, no more excuses, and then get right on with marriage, do you hear me?
TONES: [exiting at speed] I said I’ll do marriage, I’m going to do it, alright? I’ll do it, I’ll do it [has sudden idea] in August, right, yes, that’s it, August [sotto voce] . . . . maybe.
MUM: Do you believe that?
BILL: Do you?
MUM: You wanna job?
[Both collapse in helpless laughter]